Can you Hear Me Now?....Not good

I KNOW I have so much to catch up on but this story is too good not to put on record right away.
Yesterday I was running late to church (big surprise) and told David to go ahead and take the kids and I would be there shortly as soon as I was done with all my stuff for primary singing time.
Just as I was finishing packing things up and heading out the door. David calls me and I answered with an exasperated "I'll be right there!"
pause...
"Mommy?"
"Ashton?"
"Yea, it's me."
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Daddy said that if I got scared that I could call you. And I wanted to call you....wait, I gotta go!" (This was all related in a very loud phone voice).
Confused, I just kinda shrugged it off and continued out the door when seconds later he called again.
"Mommy?"
"Ashton why are you calling me? Where are you?"
"I'm at church, the reason I hung up was because it was prayer."
....What? I was starting to panic here and floored the gas pedal. "Ashton are you IN church right now? Where's Daddy?"
"He took Zander outside and he wanted me to save seats."
I am still very confused, because "outside" could mean a lot of things. David taking demon child out was not unusual*(see side story on this below), but this whole scenario was not making sense. Ashton was still bellowing in my ear and I thought best to hang up. Before I made it to the foyer of the Sacrament Ashton had called my phone three more times. I walked in horrified to see David standing there chatting away with another ward member while Zander ran around beneath him. NO ASHTON IN SIGHT.
"Where's Ashton??"
"I left him in the Sacrament because the place was full and I didn't want to lose our seats," he replied casually.
"And where's your phone?"
"I gave it to him to hold so it would make him feel better until you got here."
At that point I held my phone up to his face and watched his stunned expression as he noted that it was ringing and "David" flashed across the screen. Neither of us had any idea Ashton knew how to make calls on a cell phone and we were finding out the hard way....the very hard way.
Just as I was turning around to burst into the meeting, I threw across my shoulder "Oh, we've talked three times now and he's called me five!"
Some priesthood holders were trying to barricade the door as the sacrament was being passed, but I gave them a look that begged no questions.
As soon as I came through the doors and was looking around panicked, several ward members discreetly pointed and chuckled to where my 5 year old son was sitting in the pew all by himself with the cell phone tucked casually under his ear ready for another normal "chat" with Mom right in the middle of Sacrament.
As I was sitting down I was painstakingly recalling the loud decibel of his voice as he called me those first few times. Particularly when someone must have shushed him during the prayer and he quickly hung up.
Later during the meeting, I tapped the woman in front of me and apologized and asked "how bad" it was. She laughed and said it wasn't that loud but the whole thing had given everyone a pretty good laugh.
I sighed and looked over at him. He honestly was growing up so much faster than I thought. David later told me that he had said to him that he could come out and call me if he got scared (thinking it wouldn't be an issue as Ashton had never made any attempts to call anyone on the phone before), but obviously those instructions were highly misinterpreted. We've had several laughs about it since.
**With regard to my little terror Zander. I found out (another big surprise) that his whole attitude problem is an act of manipulation. Jamie took him by herself on several errands on Saturday while I stayed back at the venue decorating for the party and apparently he was an "angel" the whole time. She ended up having to wait 45 minutes at the fabric store for her fabric to be cut and Zander barely caused a fuss. Crazy, 10 minutes at the post office with me and I leave in tears over the scene he makes. She said at one point she looked down at him and tears were streaming down his face and he was sobbing quietly. WHAT? That's not my Zander, my Zander flings his entire body to the ground and emits ear-piercing wails when he feels the slightest amount of discontent.
I have also had to drop him off at the neighbor's last minute a few times recently when an emergency has come up and she has said both times that he just sat there shyly and never made a peep.
This is not okay with me. I'm formulating a "come to Jesus" talk with an 18 month old and I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions?